Jenna-Lynn (manicepiphany) wrote,
Jenna-Lynn
manicepiphany

the heart is dumb and the heart is blind

Journal,

I've been neglecting you and I am sorry. Actually, I've been neglecting many self truths that had been encouraging  happiness.  Goals, which I had been working so hard to achieve, beauties that just slipped out of my hands.

And it is here journal, here in this nuclear haze, where reality smacked me across the face.  Here where the simple thought of existence threw me into panic.  The truth that all of these parts: cells, tissues, nails, teeth, red, had aged 25 years.  This single number reminded me of the obvious truth that time is not going to wait for me, no matter how nicely I ask or how subtle I ignore it.   25 years, 25 years of love and patience and practice to find myself where ? Moving how fast?  And there it is.  A big realization that 6 moths of faking it adds up to a dumps worth of waste. 

Well journal, let me tell you that this Jenna girl has just received her call to duty.  Amongst the many wars that spread daily, I forgot about the the war within myself.  This battle is a thought, a lifestyle, and a
tangible triumph, which I must fight to find eternal peace. 

Being a nice person does not mean that I can't be picky or that I can't be alone.  There are so many self discoveries that I and every person can only find during solitude. The sad part is that I knew this.  I had this.  And I choose to lose it.  Now, through operation butterfly, and through the help of dear loving friends I have found my sheath and am ready to battle onward.  

Thank You. 

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